- Why marraiges fight
- Why do kids pick on others?
- WHy do we fight over politics, religion, etc...
I. What's The Matter With Us?
6 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
All human problems come down to two issues:
1. Superiority: "Provoking" which means a feeling of superiority, to lord over, challenge, look down on others.
2. Inferiority: Envying others. Feeling inadequate without what they have, their stuff, their talents, their eduction, their status, etc.
Paul says that BOTH Provoking and envying, Both a superiority complex and an Inferiority Complex are rooted in Conceit. Pride. What is Conceit?
The King James Version uses the phrase "Vain Glory..."
6Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
What is vain glory? All human beings know in their hearts that they don't matter."
Example: Madonna in a moment of honesty in an interview with Vogue. She said, "I have an iron will.. Why? I struggle with fear. Every once and a while I will overcome the fear and think myself special for a time.. Then it fades.. I lose it again.. and go back to mediocrity. I can't stand mediocrity, so I go on trying to prove myself again. Trying to prove I am somebody..." Here is Madonna performing her way from one thing to another trying to prove she really is somebody... That she really matters!! That she is superior... but the feeling keeps resetting to "No, that too doesn't matter..."
Example: In Rocky 1, there is that scene when Rocky Balboa turns to his wife and says,... "I gotta get in the ring. If I can last 12 rounds with the champ, it will prove I am not a bum!" Rocky felt inferior, but KNEW that if he could just prove himself for 12 rounds... Then he would be somebody. He would then matter...
We are all constantly looking for the pecking order. We go to a party, a workplace, a business situation, a school gathering, a political rally, a group of peers... and we are sizing each other up, looking for the pecking order... Why? We are insecure... "We don't believe we really matter.." We want to know who we are SUPERIOR TO, and who we are INFERIOR to. That's why most of us dont' have many real friends. We are doing what Paul says... Either Provoking or Envying. Feeling SUperior or Inferior. And you can see it in the "field" you specialize in.
STORY: For me, it's public speaking. I went last year to a gathering of pastors. One got up to speak before me. And I thought to myself. I wonder how good of a communicator he is... And as he started speaking... I foudn myself... Provoking. Lording Over. Thinking.. I can speak better than that. That message was weird. Not easy to follow.. I don't think it's even what the Bible says... Then a week later, I am listening to a speaker named Andy Stanley on youtube... And I am a huge fan. In fact, I think he is probably the best communicator in the world.. And now I am envying... I think to myself... "I can never speak like that..." "Wow I wish I could be that could..." So I am feeling both inferior and superior in my field... out of conceit... Out of Vain Glory.. Giving Weight or Glory to "speaking" as the source of my value... Knowing that I want it, but no it can't make my a somebody. When you try to prove yourself... You are admiting you feel you lack worth without proving yourself. When you envy something.. You too admit you lack something without this thing you are missing.
What's the result of this? We devour one another, rather than loving one another
Gal 5:15 But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!
Here is the problem. Paul says that when we are constantly either provoking or envying. We are trying to take from each other. I need to take your affetion, your approval, your "etc" to make myself feel complete. In fact, when we meet people, we say, There was a connection, an attraction to them... Not just romantically, with friends, with colleagues, etc. We walk to a party and say, "I like who I will become with friends like that... " "I like how I'll feel with him or under my arm..." And what are we doing... "Taking from the other person..." Devouring them. We are trying to take from them...
STORY: In the play/movie Little Shop of Horrors. The blood eating plant, asks Symore for a drop of blood. Then a few more. Then an arm. Then a leg... Then a whole body... It starts consuming everyone... This is what selfishness does. When we build our marriage on "I like how you make me feel.. We are needing to "take from them" to make us complete. But eventually you find our your spouse is not complete... but you keep consuming them... It happens with kids too... If you need to "be a great parent" to feel like somebody... You too will discover that... You end up with what psychologists call an Emeshed relationship. You end up taking from your kids rather than giving to them... And this is what makes the transition to empty nest so hard... You needed your kids more than you you were givign to your kids. You were consuming them.... "Feed me Symore"... This is why Devouring one another... comes from selfishness.
Selfishness is all consuming. In fact, when we belive that submitting to God is bondage... we tell ourselves that real freedom is doing whatever we want... But think about that. That basically is saying that Freedom is being selfish. But when you need to take, provoke, and envy others... You can't love someone... give to someone you are taking from... You will consume them... Devour them, rather than building into them...
II. We want to Matter.
Love is knowing we matter. The only thing that matters. God. His glory.... Has been put upon us.
Screwtape letters... In hell big demons consume smaller ones.
